First, I would like to apologize for being MIA forever!~~~~
I have been really busy trying to keep up with life! I don’t think it’s an easy task nor do I think it was meant to be easy! However, this is where I have been… With that being said, I am going to school full time online and striving to keep my straight A’s a go. Also, I am getting married next month, I know next month!!!!!!! Additionally, somewhere in the mix I have been trying to find a part time source of income. This has been a struggle because I am looking for something where I can make a difference in someones life and have a purpose. Overall, I am feeling a little lost lately, I created this post because I know I’m not alone in this feeling lost sort of funk!
I come from a long line of really terrible, toxic relationships. My past relationships were awful from the very first one that I never really knew how I was supposed to be treated until I met him, my fiance. Maybe this is why I over think most things. Furthermore, my fiance and I have been together for 4 years, 4 years that have not been easy but I have had more happiness in those 4 years then I can remember. With him though, I feel like I always have to be perfect, no mistakes, ever!! This makes me stress and become extremely hard on myself when I do make a mistake because lets face it, we all make mistakes! I am constantly giving it my all to my boys and my fiance and in return it can be exhausting.
Now, with the wedding right around the corner I am questioning myself, Will I be good enough for him? Will I be able to keep up? Will I be able to make him happy forever? Forever is a long time? All these thoughts are going through my head. We haven’t had the best relationship and I can hold on to things as much as I want to let go and try to let go they stay somewhere in the back of my head. Things have been weird and different between us the last couple of weeks. Maybe he is asking myself similar questions. Or maybe I am just realizing things that I have always overlooked before! Idk really, all I know is that I genuinely love him from the bottom of my heart and it hurts. Sounds crazy, right?!?!?! Maybe it is!!! However, I don’t have cold feet. I know who I wanna spend the rest of my life with I guess sometimes it just hurts…. Maybe thats just love… All in all, I love him to mars and back!
Anyways, I wanted to create this post because I simply cannot be alone in this boa! I know this is a personal post but I think maybe it can help someone who feels the same way or has felt these feelings. So please commit with any relationship advice, not just for me but for all of us. Even if you have never felt this way or you have a super great relationship, I believe it is always good thing refresh and stop and think about important aspects in our life!